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The Security in Surrender: Access Granted

So let me get this straight, God told you that you're about to quit your job, with no guarantees of income, no current interviews or offers, in the same period of time that you're planning on finally buying a house, and to add the icing on this cake, your wife is pregnant? This question was the number one hit playing in my heart and mind as I'm sitting at my office desk. The instructions were given a couple days before, and I was about 10 minutes from sitting in front of my boss to let her know that I would be putting in my 2 weeks notice. It literally felt like I was about to jump out of a plane to skydive, however this drop felt like we started at the moon and there were no guarantees that these parachutes would work.

Let me ask you a question, yeah right now while you're reading this. When is the last time you made a faith move? No not your wife, or hubby, not your momma, or Big Ma, I'm talking to you. I'm not talking about your gas light was on because you didn't feel like getting gas the day before and now you stuck like chuck turning down the radio, and praying that you just make it to the gas station down the street. No when's the last time you made a faith move? See for myself ever since being married to my wife, faith moves have been the very essence of our marriage's DNA. Examples? How about leaving a prominent church and position that very well was pretty much guaranteed full time ministry. A dream job that you literally saw unfolding, and as soon as your hand goes to open up the door knob, God is like "Ummm yup time to go." But God wait, no this is purpose, this is my calling! But bearing fruit in the wrong place can end up leaving others starving who need what you have. 

Or how about this one? Getting engaged January 2, 2016 and planning for your wedding to be August 5, 2017. You have the plans set, Pinterest board by the fiancé in order, the venue is even picked out, and then June 25, 2016 you're standing in front of each other saying, wait wedding vows? Wait they didn't get their wedding invite! There's only 8 people here, what happened to the 150 guest list, the dope reception, what about the first dance with your mom? All of those things erased after receiving instructions from the very God who had another itinerary. 

And now it's April 3, 2018 and I'm overdue for another faith move. You see sometimes we have the habit of living off last season's fire, or yesterday's mana. Our testimony is still the same as if we were still 11 in children's church, or 21 and wilding out in college because our taste buds couldn't be tamed. Too many of us are talking about what God did years ago, but have yet to witness anything truly new because we're stuck. Stuck in old seasons, stuck in old thinking, and now stuck in our present that has us frustrated, drained, and wondering why nothing is happening. Sometimes more than often we're stuck, saying that we're waiting on God but the truth is that He's been waiting on us. See I noticed for myself that I had some hard truth pills that I needed to swallow. 1, I was a person who would make plans, arrange things how I needed or wanted them, and after those things were finished I would then say "okay God I trust you", "Have Your way", "Your Will be done". But the problem with that is it takes no faith to trust God after you've planned your course, or made decisions without first consulting Him. 2, I covered these actions under the title, "Planner" but underneath that was the truth = Control Freak. We all crave control, yes you too whether you want to admit it or not. It's the same control that causes us to stay in comfort more than our calling. Control brings convivence, but it also comes with a cost, and sometimes that cost could be your very life and the lives of those connected to you as well. 

"Control brings convenience, but it also comes with a cost, and sometimes that cost could be your very life and the lives of those connected to you as well." 

I was tired of being tired, tired of dreading purposeless days, and same routines. Tired of literally knowing the flow of how the day would go, down to the repetitive I can't wait till Friday conversations. It was like being in a maze with my thoughts turned up to 100 on the volume and to make it worse it was dark, and my clock was ticking down. Obedience was going to be my way out, but fear was keeping me in the maze of delay and defeat. Finally enough was enough, and I was sitting in front of my boss. "Yeah I don't know how to explain this or how to start, but I'm putting in my 2 weeks notice."

From that moment a weight was lifted, a peace that literally surpassed all understanding and rationale entered the room. Although I didn't know what 2 weeks would bring from now, the peace that I had brought me better security than any paycheck could ever provide. April 17, 2018 was my last day of work. I couldn't believe that I actually was doing it, but God continued to confirm why it had to be done and the peace I felt when I made the decision continued to keep me. People would ask me, "How are you feeling?", "So what are you going to be doing", and my answers would get some of the most interesting responses. "Yeah I'm pursing purpose", "I'm doing what God is telling me to do." "Oh okay, well good luck with that", "well you know you always have a job here if you need to come back." And in those moments I realized 2 things, all I had was all I needed, and that was a word from God. I also realized that you can't spend time wasting energy trying to explain to other people what God spoke specifically to you.

"I also realized that you can't spend time wasting energy trying to explain to other people what God spoke specifically to you."

"The days are long, but the years are short Austin. You're going to be just fine." Words from Cornelius Lindsey who was taking time to pour into me over lunch while I was in Atlanta. His book was one of the many resources God provided to be an example of what walking in a season like this looked like (I still don't even know how God allowed that to happen, but it was exactly what I needed when I needed it). It had been almost a month since I had quit my job, I had applied for over 40 jobs and I had a whopping 0 interviews. Our bills were still the same, I had a couple contracts from freelance designs but even with that nothing was guaranteed. There were days were I felt incompetent, irresponsible as a husband, and foolish and questioned wait God was this You or was it me? I was getting frustrated with church at the time, didn't want to be around people and questioned at times if my wife was wondering ummm okay this was cool at first but some thing has to give. These moments and thoughts were only muted by two things, the word I had from God and the peace I found in prayer. It's only through God's word that the waves of doubt and insecurity are set still in submission to what He said. I remember driving from Atlanta thinking God, what is happening, is anything happening? And all I could do is just cry and say God I trust you. My wife, pregnant and all held my hand and affirmed me in that moment, "You know what God said babe, He has us."

August 10, 2018. We closed on our first home. August 10, 2018. We closed on our first home. Wait, wait, wait. You don't have a job right, wait how but but?!? It's only been 4 months since you jumped out that plane of fear. And it was that very jump that God showed that His hand was under me the entire time before I even thought about jumping out the plane. I remember praying that God would reintroduce Himself as a Father to me, and help me realize my identity as a son. However you can only truly appreciate sonship in surrender. Surrender showed me that my Father could not only provide a new job, but one that paid 10K more than the job that I left 2 months earlier. Surrender showed me that instead of trying to get a house with your own wisdom and it falling through the first time, to let your Father be your guide and let the process be worked out in a way that you get a cheaper and better home, with no money down and the bank end up owing you money at the closing. Surrender showed me that it's much better to allow God to be God and for me to just get out the way and let Him do what He's been doing before the beginning of time. Surrender that showed me what true security was, and Who it was found in. Surrender taught me how to continue to seek God even when I couldn't hear Him speaking, even when what I saw in my circumstances looked nothing like what He had said. It was surrender that brought me into the true understanding and appreciation of sonship. It was surrender that not only opened one door, but the numerous doors that were secretly behind the first. It was surrender that gave me a story that no one can take away from me, one that has been a seismic shifting move that's allowed me to walk into not just a season, but a life that has been called "Access Granted."

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